Britain was never interested in conquering the Philippines. British sailors thought the archipelago was ugly enough to be part of their great empire. They chose Indians who dined them Chicken Currie. Thus, Prince William has no Filipino decency (but who knows).

Only the Spaniards were so fascinated by the beauty of Filipinas and the richness of the Philippine islands. Thanks to Spaniards, most Filipinos today are Christians. It was them who taught us how to pray to God when typhoon hits our area.

Americans stepped in the Asian country to bring purely good news. Everyone in the Philippines loves Americans, especially women in Angeles. Thanks to Americans, Filipinos can work in outsourcing companies now. It was them who trained us to become fine call center agents.

Japanese, known for their cruelty, arrived in Manila for reasons. Thanks to them, we are digging bombs in once battle grounds. We remember them as the enemy of our country and the soldiers who raped our great grandparents. Unfortunately, the Japanese government cannot serve any apology to the victims. Still thanks to them, we have metal coverings of bombs that we can sell in junk shops.

Ramon Magsaysay was born and headed to the Malacanang Palace. He was super loved by people then. He exploited the media, ordering radio stations to air his speeches during visits. And he distributed photos of him planting rice- in boots. Thanks to him, politicians learn the technique that handling the press properly counts.



Ferdinand Marcos met Imelda Romualdez and made an empire. The “golden year” of the country was recorded, with ABS-CBN shutting down and hundreds executed. Thanks to Marcos and Imelda, we now have Bongbong who is going to be our next president.

Lady Gaga, the mother monster, sang in America and was heard in the Philippines. Not via TFC (The Filipino Channel). She conquered the country with her powerful vocals and meaningful songs. Thanks to her, gays in the country found a new lawyer.

Then you came. What did you do?