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Philippines For Sale

The Philippines is composed of 7,100 islands (for more information, please contact Ms. Charlene Gonzales- Muhlach). It enjoys a unitary presidential constitutional republic government. It has a population of about 104 million, and counting. The Asian country can be sold in easy steps (FYI: this is not “networking”).

1.    Teach all Filipinos, highlanders or lowlanders, how to speak in American English. Hire American teachers. Make laws banning the use of Filipino and other languages spoken in different regions of the country.

2.    Encourage all multi-national and foreign companies to invest in the Philippines. Ask Oprah Winfrey to buy ABS-CBN shares and advise Bill Gates to obtain Jollibee and Mang Inasal.

3.    Negotiate with the Chinese government so that the Scarborough Shoal will be theirs. If the negotiation does not work-out, send the disputed territory as a gift to the Chinese government. If this does not work-out again, time to consult with Senator Antonio Trillanes!

4.    Divide and conquer. Fuel misunderstandings among lawmakers. Encourage protests in every barangay. Remember the wrath of Martial Law. Spread lies. Ask Sharon Cuneta to post more Twitter messages. Let Senator Tito Sotto give more speeches. While everyone is arguing, sell the Philippines in an auction.

5.    Fool people by saying “God said, go ye and sell your land”. They will surely ask no questions and follow, to show how faithful they are to their God who according to them said “no to RH Bill”.

Spain, Japan and the USA would be very willing to regain the Philippines. These countries must be excited to benefit from the natural resources of our land, as well as the natural beauty of Filipinas and half-Filipino-half-Filipinas. 

Christian is a Marketing Communications practitioner based in Ortigas Center. In the past eight years, he has passionately worked with real estate, software, and IT service brands. To get in touch, please shoot at email to [email protected]

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