Aries (March 21-April 19)
It’s always nice to categorize friends into two groups: Group 1- friends when you are rich, and Group 2- friends when you are poor. Now, dump all your Group 1 friends!

Taurus (Aril 20-May 20)
Sometimes, be careful in endorsing products and services especially when you are being paid to do so. Be true to yourself and to your phone. Follow this advice if you do not want to become another Kim Chui.



Gemini (May 21-June 21)
Love your neighbor as you love yourself. I am your neighbor. Give me some money please.



Cancer (June 22-July 22)
Green is the color of this year. This year is for perverts and flirts. Just kidding! It is for the one and only planet that we have. So stop dumping your garbage in your neighbor’s backyard!



Leo (July 23-August 22)
Newly-elected officials have sworn to office already. They have sworn to live with corruption forever due to Filipino stereotypes. Welcome crocks!



Virgo (August 23-September 22)



Libra (September 23-October 23)
Even if the government raised taxes for cigarette and liquor products, do not be dismayed. A new president is coming in a few months to bring some change.



Scorpio (October 24-November 21)
Make the moon your best friend. It brings light to your path when it’s dark, especially when you are super drunk and you cannot find your way home.


Sagittarius (November 22-December 21)
Lust and love are different things. However, both end up in bed.



Capricorn (December 22-January 10)
Some gays cannot accept the fact that they are gays. They fool people by saying they are straight. Yes, they are straight gays.



Aquarius (January 20-February 18)
This rainy season, prepare thick jackets and rain boots.  You might as well visit Zalora and Lazada if you want to shop online. If you want to see some bonfire for heat, look forhaters of our blog, and they’ll keep the flame burning!



Pisces (February 19-March 20)
Letter F is the lucky letter of the week. All other letters are lucky as well.