Admit it or not, highlanders, also known as “Cordillerans”, “Igorots” and “taga-bundok”, are better English speakers. They are good English speakers whether they are starting a conversation or cursing someone over the phone.

Here are the reasons why Igorots are so good in English. Just do not believe in these reasons because one again, this is a satirical post.

1.   Igorots are not Filipinos; they are Americans. In fact, the Cordillera Administrative Region (CAR) is going to be a candidate to become a state of the US once the autonomy dream materializes. To know more information about this, please contact Mountain Province officials.

2.    When Igorot babies are born, they speak English instantly. The first statement they do when they open their eyes is while still inside the delivery room is, “are you sure you’re my father?”

3.    Scientific and astrologic studies have proven that the cold weather makes it easier for a person to speak in English. Thus, call centers in warm areas like Metro Manila need to invest in air conditioning machines from wagwagan centers operated by people from the Yanganaut region in Sagada.

4.    The love of Country Music in Igorots makes their English skills more enhanced. No famous country song is written in Italian, French or Indian. Garth Brooks and Taylor Swift are Americans; they do English.

5.    Strawberry and sayote contain an undiscovered element that hurts the tongue of Igorots whenever they speak in Filipino. Thus, they become at ease when they speak in English.

6.    When Igorots speak in Filipino while chewing momma, their saliva turns yellow. Since they do not want to be accused of supporting President Noynoy Aquino, they maintain their reddish saliva by speaking in English.

7.    Igorots were cursed by God to speak a language that will not be understood by those who did not do well in school. All Igorots have studied under the K to 12 Program of the Department of Education.

8.    In the Cordilleras, people can buy “verb”, “adjectives” and “pronoun”. Students spend the money of their parents buying those items that are always on sale inside the Nevada Square in Baguio. Parents of school kids sell their carabao to buy “adverb of place.”

9.    Igorots are Anglicans. They do not communicate with God in Latin. They speak the language of King Henry VIII and Queen Elizabeth I. If they were alive during Bloody Mary’s reign, they should have head-hunted the cruel Catholic Queen.

10.  Igorots are world-class. Thus, they speak the international language.

Which of the above-listed reasons is true to you?