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What If the Queen (Elizabeth) Were an Igorot?

This 2012, the British Empire is set to celebrate Queen Elizabeth’s jubilee. Gary Barlow organized a concert that kicked off with spectacular performances famous celebrities from different countries. A pageant along the Thames River successfully captured global media attention.

BBC’s coverage of the extravagant celebration was fully-criticized, with more than 2,000 angry emails. Londoners, who manned of the celebration, accused organizers of not looking into their welfare after the Londoners were asked to camp out in the cold June nights. A swimmer attempted to whirl along the Thames River while the pageant was going on. The finance minister of England did not like the grandiosity of the celebration since the country is set to spend billions of Euros for the 2012 London Summer Olympics. Prince Philip was rushed to the hospital due to an infection but all these unpleasant stories were not able to taint the jubilee celebration with downbeat notes.

Queen Elizabeth is the most-loved monarchy, a poll reveals. Undeniably, she is. She maintains to be a high profile spiritual adviser to the people of her empire (including people in America). And what if she was born in the middle of the Cordillera ranges? What if she was an Igorot?

1.    If Queen Elizabeth was an Igorot, she would have spoken Kankanaey or Ibaloi. She would have called herself Baket Sabit. She would have learned how to speak in Ilocano to deal with people from Kandon (Ilocos Sur) and she would have greeted the people of the Commonwealth Realms “Adi bokodan di gawis”.

2.    If Queen Elizabeth  was  an Igorot, she would be a dog meat eater. She would smile in delight to be invited in social gatherings and dine dog meat, along with Sagada Etag (salted and smoked pork) and tapuy (rice wine) from Ifugao. She would also ask her warriors to hunt for buka (wild boar).

3.    If Queen Elizabeth  was  an Igorot, she would not have married Prince Philip. Prince Philipp is both her second and third-degree cousin. Igorots are close enough with their cousins, even with their fourth-degree cousins; there is a high possibility that they do not marry their own cousins.

4.    If Queen Elizabeth  was  an Igorot, she would be chewing beetle nut now while sitting in front of their dapwan (fireplace). She would have ordered her grandsons Prince Harry and Prince William to buy her apog (sea ash) in a nearby store near the Buckingham Palace.

5.    If Queen Elizabeth  was  an Igorot, she would be singing “Bagbagto” and “Layad Ken Sikhafan”. She would have sung the two songs during their wedding. She would have been singing Igorot lullabies while waiting for baby Princess Beatrice to sleep then.

6.    If Queen Elizabeth  was  an Igorot, she would have dated Prince Philip in the fourth floor of Baguio Center Mall. She should have been meeting with the Greek royalty near pirated DVD stalls there. She would have shopped for Agatha Christie books inside the Diplomat store and also wondered why Plaza Fair is gone.

7.    If Queen Elizabeth  was  an Igorot, she would have been excellent in doing salibi (female Igorot dance). She would have known how to play the gongs and dance sakuting (a dance using two sticks) with people from Abra and the Ilocos regions. She would have played takik (court dance) during their wedding.

8.    If Queen Elizabeth  was  an Igorot, she would have ridden a Dangwa Bus in monitoring her people. She would have gone up Mount Pulag and experienced the best of sunrise there. She would have visited the Kabayan mummies and said “si alapok” (my grandparent).

9.    If Queen Elizabeth  was  an Igorot, she would have been a friend to Mauricio Domogan, Thomas Killip, the late Victor Dominguez, Bernardo Vergara, Jun Labo, Florencio Bentrez, Peter Rey Bautista, Nestor Fongwan, Gregory Abalos, Eduardo Latawan and Jack Dulnuan.

10. If Queen Elizabeth  was  an Igorot, she would have loved Easter School and not Saint Louis University. She would have been attending mass at the Cathedral of the Resurrection along Magsaysay Avenue or at the Epiphany Church in La Trinidad. Still, she would have been a friend to Roman Catholic Bishop Carlito Cenzon.

11. If Queen Elizabeth  was  an Igorot, she would have believed in anito (living spirits). When Prince Philip got sick, she would have called for a mammadto (faith healer). She would have believed in inayan (evil-is-forbidden belief) and she should have learned how to chant about Queen Victoria’s adventures.

12. If Queen Elizabeth  was  an Igorot, she would have been a kadangyan (wealthy owner of hectares of land). She would have worked in the fields when she was younger pulling weeds and carrying sacks of Buguias potatoes. She would have huge muscles and loved rice farming.

But Queen Elizabeth is a British woman. She is a lovely queen in the Atlantic. She never stepped into the Philippine soil. She is hated by the Queen of Spain, who is her relative. Spain controlled the Philippines for more than three hundred years. Britons first came to the Philippines before Magellan ducked into the Philippine seas, but the Britons saw Philippines as a not-worth colonizing country. That is why Queen Elizabeth was born English and not Igorot.

God Bless the Queen!

Christian is a Marketing Communications practitioner in Quezon City. He is an Igorot from Sagada, Mountain Province. To get in touch with him, please shoot an email to christianaligonow@gmail.com.


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