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PNoy's State of the Nation Address 2012 Copy-Cat

Warning: do not laugh while reading the entry. Respect the SONA Copy-cat. After reading, please share.

Let me first greet everybody. Good day Filipinos in Luzon, Visayas, Mindanao and in other countries. I am sure our dear Overseas Filipino Workers are watching us via The Filipino Channel. 

It’s nice to be back delivering the State of the Nation Address. I am Benigno S. Aquino III, your working president. I am also known as PNoy to my Twitter followers and AbNoy to my critics.

Thank you for spending your time. I believe you deserve a cup of Kalinga coffee! Watching me speak while sipping a world-class product of our own people in the mountains is really good.

This year, English is our medium. This signifies that we are expanding our horizon to the international community. I hope that Barack Obama is also watching us. By the way, I just want to say hello to our friends from CNN, BBC and Fox. 

Please stay with us. Don’t worry; no commercial breaks. Just overbreak. Am I right, Noynoying founders?

The SONA day is really an important time for us to sit and count our blessings. We also lay our plans. What have we done in two years? Let me count. Please do not take down notes. I have prepared a copy of my speech, in PDF form. Just approach me later and I will share the copy with you.

1.    We were able to buy Apple laptops and BlackBerry phones for my dear Communications group. The gadgets enabled our Communications group to coordinate and inform our constituents about the latest developments of our country, as well as the love life of the most important bachelor in this country.

2.    We were able to show the world that even without elevators, Filipinos can survive. My foreign trips were really very impressing. The hamburger meal also showed a new dimension: a working president who eats lettuce. Very wonderful! Thanks to the public relations firm that worked for our publicity. Good job!

3.     We were able to oust the former chief justice. Bye bye Renato Corona! It was a very important even in the history of the Filipino when we successfully fired our own corrupt official. Corruption is intolerable, under my administration. The allies of the former President Gloria Macapagal- Arroyo should be warned out our campaign to regain the trust of our people. 

By the way, I forgot something. Please join me on Twitter .Our hashtag: #LeilaDeLima4CJ.

4.    Studies have it that we are now becoming a rich country. Our poverty rate went down to 19% from 19.000001%. Great achievement! I want to congratulate both DSWD and BIR for doing their job. For the DSWD head, please do not organize unsuccessful events again.  To the BIR head, I will just send you an SMS. Okay?

5.    We were able to give justice to the Filipino people. The former president who was a former teacher of mine, Gloria Arroyo is now struggling to justify herself from all the tens and tens of accusations against her. Her pets are also having some hard time to cope with this new system. This is hell on earth. They must pay the prize! They are evil people. But of course, we are more evil.

For those who just came in the hall, this is the State of the Nation Address 2012. SONA 2012 is being brought to you by Zalora, shop now! Our State of the Nation Address is also being presented by Sagada Holidays, visit Sagada now!

I would like to thank the person who made my script. And to Grace Lee for helping me in memorizing all these things. Grace, I wish you all the luck that you need. You will always be my first lady.

Back to SONA 2012, guys, gays and gals. I have plans for the country. Not family planning at all. I know it would be hard for the Philippines to move on fast but we will still try our very best to drive this country two steps at a time.

1.    Implement K to 12. Many experts are criticizing this program. However, no program has ever received 100% good comments in the past so I am very confident  that we can break all barriers and implement K to 12. I still push through with this educational reform despite the opposition from some non-sense people. I know, it would be hard for Brother but we can do this! We will just need the help of  Dora and Diego to impart the real reason why the Philippines really need K to 12.

2.    Jail Gloria Arroyo. She must be put to jail, with all other crocodiles like Lolong. She will leave the country with no dignity. By the way, have you not noticed that I am always talking about her? Well, she is a perfect victim of my scapegoating. You know what I mean.

3.    I will push through with same-sex marriage in the country. It will be my birthday gift to Boy Abunda. I will also fight for the rights of gays, lesbians, drag quees, bisexuals, abnoys, closets, disturbed, confused and the emos. I know their situation is very hard. I have been one of them. I will give you a more detailed explanation of this new advocacy next month. Bishops, please do not hate me for this or else I will hate you for receiving Pajeros. 

I have no more things to say. This is the State of the Nation Address 2012. ‘Till next year. By the way, we are trending worldwide. We are at number two. At number one is #shopatzalora and at number three is #sagadaholidays. Good job Filipinos.

Christian is a Marketing Communications practitioner in Quezon City. He is an Igorot from Sagada, Mountain Province. To get in touch with him, please shoot an email to christianaligonow@gmail.com.


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