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99.99% Sagada Igorot

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Year of the Snake Predictions: It's Ahasan Year!

It's the Year of Snake. The only proof that we have why it's the year for snakes is that hit TV series nowadays are about mistresses who make ahas of malalandi na boys! It's ahasan year in the world so keep your snake-ful moves coming this year!

1.    The Philippines will still be ruled by a bachelor. He will enjoy a lonely Valentine’s Day!

2. The official color of the Malacanang Palace in Manila will still be yellow, the color of the eyes of hepatitis patients.

3.    A new mobile phone manufacturer will be launched in the country and will become viral. It will be called Maysi Phone.

4.    Catholic priests will still stand against the Reproductive Health Law. However, they will mum when the topic is the features of a Pajero car.

5.    Activists will rally against SM for planning to murder 182 trees in the firm’s lot in Luneta Hill, Baguio City. SM will again take photos of them for a collage to be displayed in SM Mall of Asia.

6.    La Trinidad will have a more productive year. However, the Balili River will still be dirty.
7.    Burnham Lake will be more famous internationally…….because the local government will turn it into a gambling site.

8.    Benguet Electronic Cooperative will be lighting more homes across Baguio and Benguet. Thus, more electric posts will be built.

9.    Universities will still offer nursing education. However, the Commission on Higher Education will mandate schools to add a call center subject to the degree’s curriculum.

10. Baguio's population will double. The population of South Korean immigrants will triple.

11. The war between Smart and Globe telecom companies will become worst this Year of the Snake. Smart will offer free phones upon purchase of at least one sim card.

12. Sarah Geronimo’s career will not be good this year. Her show Sarah G. Live will be replaced by a new show with the same format called “Anne Curtis Live”.

13. Adele will visit the Philippines for a one-night only concert. She will hire Charice to be her back-up singer.

14. Angelina Jolie will arrive in Mindanao. Together with Brad Pitt, the actress will be looking for a new baby to adopt.

15. The United Nations will be able to convince North Korea to stop sending rockets in to space. NoKor will start selling the rockets to Syria, Iran, and Afghanistan.

16.   Hugh Hefner will marry again this Year of the Snake. All attendees of his wedding will be medical representatives selling Viagra.

17. Mountain Province will be divided into two provinces: Mountain and Province.

18. Imelda Marcos will launch a Filipiniana Fashion Week, opposite New York Fashion Week. Her top model will be Martial Law babies.

19. Barack Obama will endorse Filipino products. The number one on the list is a world-class Glutathione soap brand.

20. The Philippine National Anthem will be changed to “Pusong Bato”. Moreover, schools will be allowed to sing its English version titled “Heart of Stone”.

21. The US will be under Queen Elizabeth II’s leadership again. CNN’s Piers Morgan will be happier.

22. Rupert Murdoch will buy Google. Marissa Mayer will go back to Google and will promise to be punctual every day.

23. Manny Pangilinan will buy IBC 13. He will change the name of the TV station to TV13.

24. All elementary pupils in the Philippines will be required to buy what their teachers are selling in campus. On the other hand, all teachers will be required to pay their business permit to the Local Government Unit.

25. Our blog will still be kicking on the internet. And you will still be supporting us. Something like sharing our link via your Facebook page! Big hug, big thanks! 

Christian is a Marketing Communications practitioner in Quezon City. He is an Igorot from Sagada, Mountain Province. To get in touch with him, please shoot an email to christianaligonow@gmail.com.


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