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10 Teams in Philippine Politics: Team Mang Not Included

1.    Team Patay- According to the Catholic diocese in Bacolod, members of this team are pro-Reproductive Health law. “Patay” means to kill. Thus, members of this team try to kill the unchristian intervention of the Church into the sari-sari business of the State. Their number one voters are fans of Pajero (sorry Volkswagen).

2.    Team Buhay- Members of this team are politicians who base their judgment on their moral values. They talk about conscience, immorality, hell, and abortion all the time. They believe Filipinos should produce more offspring. They invented the Sottocopy machine, a proud Filipino brand that beat the Kennedy Detection tool from America.

3.    Team Balimbing- Members of this team do not like to stay in just one place. They want to transfer from one seat to another. They are like prostitutes who needed the companionship of almost everyone. They appear in advertisements, not just once but twice.

4.    Team Junior- The faces of the members of this team are brand new, but their surnames are familiar and overused. They speak about how great their parents were. They talk about their family tree when they are asked about their offerings for the Filipino people.

5.    Team Lakay- This team has a logo that is in black and white. Members of this team do not know who Lady Gaga is. They cannot say what Facebook is all about. Some of them use Viagra at night. They think their era is the best and they consider retiring from politics a chance for their faults to be exposed- that is why they will never ever leave their post while they are breathing.

6.    Team Bagito- A better Philippines is the battle cry of the members of this team. Members believe they are supermen and wonderwomen who were educated and trained to save the Philippines from corruption, poverty, evil, and her craze over Ina, Kapatid, Anak. They know all political theories, but do not know the most convenient way to get a PRC ID.

7.    Team Sikat- Showbiz can mix with politics. That is totally possible! Members of this team believe they can be good leaders as well as good socialites, talk show hosts, TV and movie actors, and news makers. They think they can be excellent leaders while taping their show at the MGM Grand Stand in Las Vegas.

8.    Team More Fun in the Philippines- No one has the right to judge the members of this team. They are not known in the whole barangay. One night, they heard a voice saying they should run for a national position. And so they went knocking at the door of Commission on Elections head Sixto Brilliantes. They cannot afford to buy advertising spaces on ABS-CBN. But they can afford to pray 24/7.

9.    Team Repeater- Members of this team have a colorful political career. They have tried almost all elective positions, but they failed to win any seat. They may have been destined by God to run and runand run again. They are now famous because of their regular bids. And they are hoping that this 2013, the Filipino people will give them a chance to serve the public.

10. Team Filipino- Description unknown, because members of this team are late in filing their documents.

Christian is a Marketing Communications practitioner in Quezon City. He is an Igorot from Sagada, Mountain Province. To get in touch with him, please shoot an email to christianaligonow@gmail.com.


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