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Impossible News Stories of the Day

Note: This blog post is a product of fiction. Pure fiction. If you feel uncomfortable dealing with the satirical piece, all you have to do is to close the browser. 

A New Pope Has Arrived

Good news! The Vatican has chosen a new Pope! This time, the color of the smoke coming out of the chimney of Sistine Chapel is PINK. Yesterday, the smoke was blue-red, signifying that the cardinals’ decision was unacceptable. Here's the picture of the pink smoke.

The New Pope’s New Advocacy

The new Pope vowed to fight for the right of gay men. He said he will urge all countries to recognize the rights of gay people as creations of God. A wiretapped record of him consulting the president of the Union of Gays in Italy was first shown on Al Jazeera. However, the new Pope's butler leaked a document directly denying the claim.The document says:

"The conversation was part of the audition of the new Pope to join Glee Season 5."

North Korea’s Leader Now a Model

Kim Jung-un, North Korea’s Supreme Leader, submitted his resignation before the United Nations council. He said he received an offer from Cosmopolitan to pose for the magazine. Upon learning about the news, South Korea reacted:

“Cosmo subscription here has tripled.”

This news comes after the leader was dubbed “the sexiest man alive” by a Chinese magazine.

People in Sabah Now American Citizens

The tension in Sabah, Malaysia is getting more terrifying. A royal force from the Philippines’ Sultanate of Sulu are forcing entry into its former territory. Malaysian soldiers are working along borders to stop the illegal activities from the Philippines.

Malaysia and the Philippines agreed to hold a referendum. Details of the poll:

Question: Which do you think should govern Sabah?
a.    M for Malaysia
b.    P for Philippines
c.    O for Others Americans.

Results: 51% answered letter C. The remaining 49% of the population did not participate in the referendum. They are busy packing their things for their flight to the US.

Christian is a Marketing Communications practitioner in Quezon City. He is an Igorot from Sagada, Mountain Province. To get in touch with him, please shoot an email to christianaligonow@gmail.com.


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